


Worthy

by Milky_Etoile



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Confessions, Introspective Aziraphale, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Other, Post-Apocalypse, idk how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 13:15:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19702129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milky_Etoile/pseuds/Milky_Etoile
Summary: "Unforgivable. That's what I am."Crowley had said that in the bandstand, no hesitation, just disbelief that Aziraphale would wish for something he was never meant to have.The angel regretted many of the things he'd said to his friend at that time. However, he regretted, even more, the things he didn't say.---Fill for the prompt:"You are worthy of my grace."





	Worthy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pantheralupus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pantheralupus/gifts).



> “You are worthy of my grace.” - A translated line from Neon Genesis Evangelion on Netflix. pantheralupus and I immediately associated it with Good Omens.
> 
> Quoted lyrics at the start are from [_Obvious_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01--GmFBnls), a scrapped but beautiful song from the Dear Evan Hansen musical. I would also recommend listening to Sara Bareilles' [Satellite Call](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H30fRHZQLfE) while reading.
> 
> This is me probably botching my Catholic upbringing whoops sorry about that
> 
> Anyway, this is the first fic I'm posting on AO3 for this fandom. Please let me know what you think!

_"Sometimes the words_  
_We tend to withhold_  
_But they're exactly the words  
_ _Someone needs to be told."_

* * *

_"I won't be forgiven. Not ever. That's part of a demon's job description. Unforgivable. That's what I am."_

Crowley had said that in the bandstand, with no hesitation, just disbelief that Aziraphale would wish for something he was never meant to have.

The angel regretted many of the things he'd said to his friend at that time. He had been so caught up in doing the right thing in the way he thought was the best. He regretted refuting Crowley more than once in the course of a measly few minutes. He regretted being the one who made the demon's walls close off, hiding the hurt that the angel knew was there.

However, he regretted, even more, the things he didn't say.

When Crowley said he was unforgivable, Aziraphale had immediately wanted to say he would always forgive the demon. Because Crowley had always forgiven him first, for many things he had never even apologised for.

Even after Aziraphale had denounced their friendship, said he didn't even like him, Crowley had come back, apologising when he was the one that deserved an apology.

Aziraphale did not apologise in return and rejected his offer to run away. But he managed to say something the demon probably has never heard.

_"I forgive you."_

When he'd said that, he realised he had never been as honest with Crowley as in that moment. He forgave the demon for any past transgressions, both big and small, and he always would, because he was forgiven first.

Crowley, a demon, who for all intents and purposes should be unable to feel remorse, empathy, joy, and love, was capable of all that and demonstrated it with his actions. He denounced being nice and good, but Aziraphale witnessed the truth throughout the ages: saving children from the Great Flood, his depression after the Spanish Inquisition, miraculous escapes in Tadfield Manor, various small miracles outside of the Arrangement...and the countless instances of Crowley saving Aziraphale.

He was a demon, an angel who had long ago fallen from grace. But for all of the grace of God he had lost in the Fall, he possessed a grace of his own that he bestowed upon those he cared for.

And Aziraphale was blessed to always receive it, to be aware of it now, and to be engulfed in it even after his own shortcomings. God's grace was something he felt constantly, and he knew it was for all creatures. But Crowley's was singular in its intensity and proximity. Aziraphale was not the only one to receive it, but he knew he was alone in the extent of it.

It was the promise of absolution even before the transgression every single time.

He wondered if the Almighty planned for someone Fallen to be similar to Her in this way. He wondered why a demon would have more grace than the entirety of Heaven. He wondered if She thought it blasphemous or if She rejoiced in it. He wondered if She meant for him to think these thoughts, if She meant for him to do something about it.

He did not know. But he was certain that Crowley was deserving of _everything_.

So, in the darkness of an apartment in Mayfair, in the face of a demon who wept at the memory of losing him after the apocalypse that didn't happen, Aziraphale gently placed his hands on Crowley's cheeks, wiping away his tears with a fond smile.

He whispered, repeating his previous words, "I forgive you." He pressed a kiss on Crowley's forehead and added, "because you forgave me first."

He peppered kisses on Crowley's tear-stained cheeks as the demon whimpered at his words and actions. "I love you," he confessed and pulled back, watching as the other's beautiful snake eyes widened in surprise, "because you loved me first."

Crowley opened his mouth to speak, but Aziraphale placed a finger to his lips.

"You are worthy of my grace," he said with conviction as he felt the love from the demon surround him, "because you granted me yours first."

And he laid his lips on his beloved demon's, suffusing him with his love and grace, filling up the spaces in his being that had emptied in the Fall.

At that moment, they completed one another. And they would continue to do so for the rest of eternity.

**Author's Note:**

> Please talk Good Omens to me on Tumblr: <https://milkyetoile.tumblr.com/>
> 
> I love talking about headcanons and getting prompts ~~despite my growing list of wips~~
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! <3


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